i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
