I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Randomize
