Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
