I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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