I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We got so high we made milksteak
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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