New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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