if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
