I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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