And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
