from now on my penis is your penis
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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