I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
