Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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