Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
