my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The air taste purple.
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