how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You smell like stripper and shame
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
