I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
