New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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