If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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