The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
