I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize