i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
