I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
