I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize