yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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