He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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