She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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