I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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