I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
