Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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