hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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