i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.