Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28326) Bad night (1325)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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  (918): If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........ http://tfl.nu/fan3
  Replies (13) Good night (510) Bad night (3145) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

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  (478): I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/kb80
  Replies (23) Good night (3353) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.

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  (804): I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore. http://tfl.nu/hody
  Replies (16) Good night (3857) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?

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  (303): I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day? http://tfl.nu/tvel
  Replies (19) Good night (2884) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

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  (608): I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her. http://tfl.nu/5b2d
  Replies (18) Good night (7191) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

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  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5020) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

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  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (6015) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

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  (949): I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people. http://tfl.nu/vbtd
  Replies (13) Good night (6781) Bad night (822)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.

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  (719): Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon. http://tfl.nu/ncwf
  Replies (8) Good night (2032) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2716) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.

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  (763): So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life. http://tfl.nu/7aby
  Replies (28) Good night (562) Bad night (4829) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.

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  (714): I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/d04x
  Replies (12) Good night (4966) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Cockoligist

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Yes, one may refer to me as that.

  (587): View more from Alberta

  I should make business cards.

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  (780): Cockoligist (587): Yes, one may refer to me as that. (587): I should make business cards. http://tfl.nu/nsw3
  Replies (8) Good night (645) Bad night (231)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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  (952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt

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