yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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