im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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