Yo dont text me then not text me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
