Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
