I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
