dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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