Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
