I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Send help, water and tortillas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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