the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's get the cat blown out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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