All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I did not marry a roomba.
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