just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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