God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
