She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
