I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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