i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
