so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
