i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
