I just threw up on my dentist
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
