Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
