yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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