Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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