And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
