i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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