I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
