when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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