dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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