I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pants are for mortals
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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