He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
