if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
