Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My balls are so social today.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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