Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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