Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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