you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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