If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
