I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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