Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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