he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
