Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
