that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are all done wearing pants today
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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